Me.

I've moved.

2007-06-08T00:40:00.000+08:00

I've Moved

www.fragilethings.wordpress.com

Life.

2007-05-27T23:46:00.000+08:00

Life

Life's pretty boring these days. All my buddies are in OCS and here I am. Doing what I do.
But that's alright. Went out with people yesterday.

Let's see. Haha. Went out with vera the babe and gorilla yesterday. Man, we've been craving for Asics DS Trainers XII for a long while. Yeah. Me and vera used to have DS Trainers X. But mine died as I reached the peak of Kinabalu a year ago.

Nownow. Everyone's fired from Asics. Godfrey doesn't work there anymore. The place wasn't even open! So we stoned in the dark corner and talked nonsense for half an hour before we left. The place wasn't gonna open at all.

So we trekked around the industrial area. Just talked about random stuff like we used to. I dunno. Somehow I felt comfy. Perhaps I need friends. Real friends. But that's ok. I'm glad I've joined odac. Met a couple of nutty kids.

Yeah. Was made to enter Nine West ladies footwear sale. Was the only male organism in the entire level. Discovered spongebob panties. And we left the place with only Haribo. Haha.

Trekked further and found a Royal Sporting House factory outlet. They were selling DS Trainers XI for $139.90. Man, there was only one colour. For guys. And it wasn't even nice. So we decided to get XII together someday.

What can i say? It was love at first sight. Hah.

Left and had shrimp dumping noodles for lunch at Toa Payoh. Madness.

Met Charmaine at Sengkang and we wandered off to Chinatown for our ginseng chick. Haha. Arranged to eat (again) at this Togi place along Mosque Street. But it was closing by the time we reached and we found a cooler korean place. Yeah.

I never knew that they stuffed rice into chicks.

Bummed around. Checked out the area. Had a chat over erm. Tea? Hoho. And we left.
Yeah. And I made my way down to lavender. To meet my mum. I was early for about half an hour and I almost dozed off in the station. How pathetic I looked. Been sleeping for only 3 hours a night for the past week.

Yeah. Met mum. Meet relatives to invite them over for baby Javier's first month party on sat. (YES! It's been decided. Kiddo's name's Javier Ling Chun An.) Bummed around. NEARLY had fondue there. Instead, I hiked to Haji Lane with mama and dined at the Egyptian place we (vera, gorilla and I) went to celebrate gorilla's birthday. Guess my mum enjoyed her meal. Haha.

Travelled down to Suntec to find Kiddy Palace. To get a gift for Javier on Sat. They didn't have it. So we went Marina Square instead. Yeah. Both of us bought vouchers for kiddo Javier. Man, everyone loves him like nuts! Heh.

Recced Asics there. DS Trainers XII were going at $209. My, my. We shall go Queensway or something to get it someday.

YES. And that's not it. After bidding farewell to mama, I went Dhobby Gaut to meet Thammy. And Qixiang and Wesley. For pirates 3. Total Madness. Bumped into Amy Tan along the way and we kinda had a nice chat. Movie began at 2245.

Ended 3 hours later. Hoho. We were barely awake. It's pretty cool. Haven't seen those guys in ages. And it's just fun to hang out with them. It just so crappy and comfy. I'll choose my sec4 class over jc class any day.

Cabbed home. Crashed.

Went sis place this morning. Javier's able to recognise people by now. He was staring from place to place and whined whenever his mama's around to get her attention. He was EXTREMELY restless today. Cried for attention all day. Yeah! And he actually has tears for the first time in the last 3 weeks.

Yeah. I threatened to poke him if he wouldn't call me before his parents. Hah. And today. When I was unaware, that little kid poked my nose. When I looked away, he did that again! That. Is. War.

I have no idea how to carry him properly. So it wasn't comfy and he wailed and wrestled with me. Mum popped by (my mum) and hummed some odd tune (she probably came up with it on the spot) and did some peek-a-boos to him. And he stopped. What the?!

When noone's around (I looked around to ensure they weren't around), I huddled up with the kid and tried to do the same to him. Hummed It Ends Tonight to him. Guess what. It works! Hoho. What a proud uncle I am.

Too bad bro-in-law was nearby and saw what I did. How embarrassing.

Everyone gathered around Javier all day. My sis is deprived of her cravings due to confinement. Promised her Godiva choc shake when she's released. Haha.

It's kiddo's first month this sat. Interesting! I've always wanted a baby brother. In fact, that had been my birthday wish every year since I was one or two. And now I have a nephew! Woohoo.

When I'm free I'll post pics up here =)

And yeah. Struggling to save up for Canon IXUS 850. $650. Way to go! I'll get it by next month! Heh.
I'm spending time with my family... At last. =)

Spin

2007-05-14T21:37:00.000+08:00

Spin

What if everything you've been holding on for your very life isn't really there at all? What's the point of going on without faith? Faith in yourself? What if nothing's left of you? Then what?

Someone once asked me. Who are you. Who am I?

I'm jason ong. 19 this year. Serving my national service. Placed on status due to defective arms. Just received a nephew. Was from odac. Had friends close to me.

Now, what if I lose something that I have. Do I remain who I used to be? Oh crap. I don't make sense at all. Again.

Anyway. Today was fun. Bummed around. Did nothing. Did everything. It was fun.

Had my medical appointment today. Yes. Finally, after the past months. It's suspected that I'm born with loose ligaments. Whee. Exciting stuff. Under "intensive physiotherapy" now. To get bulky shoulder muscles. Woohoo.

Lavalamp

2007-05-13T22:57:00.000+08:00

Lavalamp

I love my lavalamp. Its orange in transparent liquid. Perfect for my room. Suits the colour of my paper bin! Haha. Not to mention I have the froggy pouch on the table next to me now. Oh well...

Spent all day at my sis' place today. It's the second time I'm visiting my baby nephew. Yes. Baby. REEEAAALLLyyy tiny. He's a week old as of today. And gosh. Carried a new born for the first time in my life today. Under the watchful eyes of my sis and her hubby. Unnerving.

Before long I could handle the kid with only one arm! began snapping pics away with the other. And sms-ing too. Cool. The kid. Claws at every single nipple he senses. Hungry, yes. Freaky too. But then again, he's too cute. Nobody minds anyway.

Kiddo doesn't have a name yet. I suggested Caleb during his second trimester. Sis wanted Javier during his third trimester. And now they want something else altogether. Haha. They have up to a month to conjure up his full name, so that's all right.

Poor kiddo's been in and out of hospitals this week. Been going for the jabs. And he's down with pretty bad jaundice. It's common amongst the kids. According to my mum, we all had it when we were tiny. But kiddo's rather severe. Just taken a blood test. He'll have to be admitted into the hospital if he attains a score of 15 for the blood test. His was 14.4. GOD. His mama has to bring him suntan every morning. EVEN THOUGH she's just discharged from the hospital as well. AND shes tearing her wound by pulling all kinds of stunts all day.

Well. So I discovered the wonders of a pacifier today. Kiddo wails. Stuff it in. It stops. He suckles and sleeps. As simple as that. Whoever invented the pacifier deserves a noble prize. So this useless bugger uncle of his only has this trick up his sleeve. THE PACIFIER. Kiddo cries. Repeats above process all over again. Hahaha.

Was lying on the bed with the baby. With his nose a mere 5 cm or less from mine and my arm curled around his soft body. Watched him all afternoon... Almost dozed off with him. Observed him all day. It's really amazing. Every little thing about him. His tiny nose, his tired eyes... His suckling mouth... His stretches. His kicks. His whines. His wails. It amazing. You can't stop to wonder how he'll ever turn out. And if all of us were like that before.

Thought about loads of stuff with him by my side. Life's been rather dark lately and I just hate almost every single part of it. Nothing's happening. It's the same old tasks I have to perform almost every other day. Why. Why me.

I have issues with myself. Nevermind. It's ok. I have my family with me.
I have reasons to smile. Even though my life stinks.
And I lost my ezylink card yesterday. Right after I've purchased over a hundred bucks worth of concession the very day before. Ack.

Whywhywhy. I'm losing myself again. I miss the life I had in jc. The person I was. Rather, the person I tried to be. And now. I'm nothing. Nothing at all.

Am I depressed? I'm not even sure anymore.

050607

2007-05-10T13:37:00.000+08:00

Newborn

On the 6 May 07, 4.59am, my baby nephew arrived. Trust me, he's the sweetest little angel I've ever seen. Everything about him seems so... perfect. Yet miniature. Check out the little nose, the creased and wrinkly skin, the faint whines. He's the kid.

My sis (2nd) returned on the day kiddo arrived. It's meant to be a surprise for my mum since we arranged to celebrate mothers' day that sunday. AND kiddo decides to pop out on that day. Hah. Could've imagined how elated my mum was. She was speechless for quite a while.

That was quite a day. Till I was down with food poisoning that night. Made 7 trips to the loo. Puked twice. Man, never knew I had that much liquid inside me. Even now I feel pretty much like a blob of jelly.

Yes. Life stinks now. I'm reverted back to my melancholic self despite my efforts to change over the last couple of years. Oh well.

In case you're wondering, I'm given day off today. And I'm actually serving my National Service. Been feeling lousy about it. All my friends are somewhere else, sispec or ocs. And here I am... Doing what I'm doing.

Anywayy... Spiderman 3 was fun. Been looking forward to it all year. Then again, I'm a spidey craze. Any flick with spidey in it will be great to me. Speaking of which, perhaps I'll make a trip down to the library later to pick up a couple of spidey graphic novels to waste my day away. And yeah. I'm just wasting my life away these days.

Void of human contact. Friends seem so distant. Out of reach. Ah. Nevermind.

What a bitter soul I am.

I'm all alone at home right now. Mum's away to take care of kiddo. Kiddo was sent to the doc's yesterday cause of bloody stools. Hope he's alright now...

And please. Give me a place in medicine. I wanna run away from the life I'm leading right now.

Any nice movies to recommend? Feel like renting a few to bum around.

And I wonder, who're friends. Who bothers. Who's actually around.

Anyone out there? Someone. Anyone. Anyone really knows me at all? Ah. Perhaps I'm driven up the path of insanity again. Whee.
The monthly highlight of the month. The 10th. Why? It's payday. Woohoo. I'm loaded with cash on this everyday. Loaded in the army sense. I know, all the babes out there probably earn 3 to 4 times what we do now. We're pathetic.

Ok. Let me sign off before I wallow any deeper into my self pity. Bye.

Update

2007-03-04T20:43:00.000+08:00

Update

Yes. I've been posted to Nee Soon Camp. As a service medic. For now, I'm a temporary support staff over there till I receive further notice about my condition.
It's been 2 weeks since I reported my condition. Am still waiting for the referral letter to CGH.

So, at where I'm serving now, I'm reunited with my secondary 4 friends. Khee Ngiap and Wu Teng. Haha. It's funny how we've never spoken much back then. Now, we get to see one another 24/7. Oh, by the way, Ngiap's in charge of us.
I know. What the hell. Haha. It's pretty fun so far though.

It's weird. How I feel so distant from almost everyone else now. Everyone's just busy messing around with their own stuff. Oh well...
Anyway. I'm messing around wih my new laptop. Desktop died.
I'm contented =)

CNY

2007-02-18T14:20:00.000+08:00

CNY

Oh my god. It's new year once again. The glaring decorations. The same old crappy celebration nonsense on the tele. The same old headache.

Ah yes. Relatives pop by to bombard a whole list of questions. And we'll have to smile politely and provide the answers required of us. Man, let this be over.

God. And I gotta be confined in Tekong once this is over.

Ack.

Tekong Chalet

2007-02-17T17:10:00.000+08:00

Tekong Chalet

Once again I'm back from Tekong. Tekong's a pretty nice place actually, with the scenery and... all the greenery. My bunk faces the ferry terminal and the sandy beach. Scenic.

My dear ol' arm has failed me again. To my horror (exaggeration here, since I'm used to my defective arm by now), my arm was not... functional one morning. So all the hooha and whatnot, and I was sent to the medical centre.

An xray was taken and they decided not to keep me.
Yeah. Seems like I've severely damaged my ligaments, cartilage, joint, bones, nerves and muscles. Basically everything I can possibly find inside my shoulder region. Operation may be the only way to save my arms. Madness.

Meanwhile I shall try out half a year worth of physiotherapy. Ouch. Went yesterday. Twisted my joint all around. Almost yelled my guts out. Crap.

Pray for my arms, my friends.

My injuries aside, since they're reluctant to keep me in any combat units, I have to go. No more officer dreams for me.
Instead, I've been posted to Nee Soon camp as a service medic. HA.

Medic Ong. That. Still tickles me. Anyway, I've been admitted into the School of Military Medicine. COOL! Haha.

Shall go off to stone now. Defrag my comp. Attempt to put a stop to all its lagging.
SO. Pray. Pray for me. Pray for my arms. Pray for my patients. Hoho.

3

2007-01-09T01:28:00.000+08:00

Ah right. For once I'm posting a picture of myself. That's right. MYSELF.

Upon close examination, you'll realise that I'm actually in the grey singlet with those four dreadful letters behind. Yeah. Those four. A-R-M-Y.

It's pretty amazing, really. The way how every single piece of this magnificent singlet is brilliantly and uniquely crafted to carry out its function. That is to cover whatever that's to be covered. And no. Definitely not those pits.

(Ah yes. Vera and Gorilla would get this. The singlets cover the essence of the be-dang-dangs nicely. Nothing more than those delightful... Things.)

I look a little different? Perhaps. In my honest opinion, its the fugly specs. Those freakin' specs costs me a hundred bucks (It's not really my fault that my degrees over 700 and my astigs over 200. I'm kinda made that way.) Did I mention about the spectacles band!? YES. Those black caterpillar-like straps stuck to the back of the brain. (And man, I did poke fun a hell lot at those kids with these straps. Fugly. Losers. All kinds of mean names you can possibly think of. Yeah. I know. Karma. I'm one of them now. And watch it, don't you even DARE laugh. Karma, my friend.)

I have no idea why everyone has to look the same inside. I mean, revealing singlets, cleanly yet awkwardly shaven brains, socks the colour of spinach and the stench of mothballs (That's if you're lucky. It's more likely to be sweat and unwashed shirts, I think.) I wouldn't be amused if all the parents mistake someone else as their kid. Its like, grab one and go. That's really funny. I would be rolling on the ground laughing if I weren't one of those kids. Fine. Laugh all you want if youre not one of those fools like me.

What can I say? Be grateful. Us guys are protecting you people from... Erm. All forms of threats! (I think.) Like what I've told Siok, each time you flip a tv channel, or slide into that hot tub of yours, or cuddle up in bed with a book, or simply gaze at the stars, remember. REMEMBER. Us. The real men out there, are fighting our guts out for you! (Even if some of us aren't really willing, it is important to note their efforts nonetheless.) And fret not, my friends, I assure you. We WILL be thinking of you guys in front of your plasma tv, jacuzzi, in your bed and wherever you are gazing at stars while we're in our shirts (emitting some form of odd stench, of course.) or in our unwashed undies. Or with our poor soles covered with nothing but blisters, well hidden in those black black boots. Or alone in the jungle swearing our guts out. We will think of you guys.

See. How much we're doing for you, my countrymen. And here you are (especially you girls!) are giggling at the thought of us being shaven naked. Shaven of all our dignity and pride. Most importantly, our vanity and need for shampoo. (Man, what am I gonna do with my nettle grass shampoo...) Ok. Fine. It's funny. Go ahead. Giggle. Darn. I can't possibly stop that can I? Haha. Funny lar. All clones. And UGLY clones. F-U-G-L-Y.

Wish me farewell, wish me luck. Ha.

It's ok. I shall embrace the erm. Experience. See, some people will never go through all this... Exciting stuff. Haha.

And someone, please tag me. This blog looks pretty dead. (Ok. It's partly my fault, for not updating. And partly YOURS! For not tagging and encouraging me to blog. You're losing out. I have a life fit for an autobiography. Heh.)

And what am I doing here. At 2am. I can't sleep. I'm nocturnal. It's kinda cool knowing that in a couple of days time, I'll perhaps be polishing my boots or trying to get those odd phones to sms at this time of the day. Or even more likely to be struggling to head towards... Lalaland (Guess who says lalaland. HA.) since it's lights out.

Fascinating. All the abbrevations. I have a long way to go. I mean, for example, PTP. Oh man, are we supposed to know what that is just by staring at those alphabets? The only thing I know of, that's close enough, is like PSP. HAHA.

Oh. Let me sidetrack a little. I've encountered some pretty odd road names these days. It's like those names you read when you just wake from a nap on a vehicle and you go, what the hell?! Am I dreaming?!

Say, for example, Little Road. Jalan Pisang (I think this means banana road or something.) and Kallang Pudding Road. And no, I did not make any of these up. They DO exist. Holy. Kallang Pudding's the worst. I passed by that on my way home today and yeah, =| -> precisely how I looked.

That's all for now. And Anansi Boys' a really good read. Warped (in the usual Gaiman way), but good nonetheless.

Now I shall embark on the journey to Lalaland. Night.

Don't Need the Sun to Shine

2007-01-04T09:51:00.000+08:00

Don't Need the Sun to Shine

Don't need a rocket man
To help me touch the sky
I don't need to fly a plane
To get this high
Don't need to hitch a ride
When I could run a million miles
Yes I would, just to see you smile

Don't need the sun to shine
To make me smile.

Fairy Tales and Castles.

2007-01-04T09:46:00.000+08:00

Fairy Tales and Castles.

cause there's a crack in his plastic crown
and his throne of ice is melting
he climbed his ladder
there was nothing there
now it's a long way down

cause on and on and on he goes
dancing on the grave
of what he thought was still alive
and on and on and on he goes
dancing in mansions made of twigs
and castles made of sand

At Long Last

2006-12-21T12:52:00.000+08:00

At Long Last

Ah, yes. I've vanished for quite awhile. Yet again. Nownow, what shall I blog about?

Just returned from our "adventure trip". Ha. Went caving and rafting. Oh well... Won the two ringgit loo visit lucky draw. Ate my guts out.
I'm so gonna miss all my friends.

I'm down with flu. Probably caught a cold with all the pouring outside over the last couple of days.
I miss everyone. Everyone important to me. that is.
I miss my sis. Hope she's doing well over there...

And yes! Christmas next week. Though I'm not a Christian (In fact, I'm a non-believer of all religions. Let's not get into that.), it's still a time for me to get together with my loved ones. Been neglecting everyone since god knows when.

Ooh. And my terrapins are 10 next year. Random, i know. But that goes to show how much I've aged.

Been coughing and wheezing all morning. Darn. Need to recover and have fun. Before I turn bald.

And finally, I get to visit the skin centre. It's killing me.
My pay. It's sitting in my account waiting for me. So please. Recover.

There's so much to do. So little time.

Trying too hard

2006-11-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

Trying Too Hard

Maybe I'm trying too hard. Yet nothing seems to work anymore. Ironic, isn't it?
And anyone of you out there, if you see this. If I matter to you in any way at all, kindly let me know about it in some way or another. 'Cause it means a lot to me.

And for now, I'll go off. Hide in a little corner and sulk. Why? 'Cause I dunno what I'm fighting for anymore. Why I'm even torturing myself. And I miss those days, as little kids, we do as we please. Life just isn't that way anymore.

Toy Soldier

2006-11-17T21:19:00.000+08:00

Toy Soldier

Here Comes The Sun

2006-11-16T13:25:00.000+08:00

Here Comes The Sun

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Little darlin' it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darlin' it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Little darlin' the smiles returning to their faces
Little darlin' it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Little darlin' I feel the ice is slowly meltin'
Little darlin' it seems like years since it's been clear
Here come the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Here come the sun, here comes the sun
It's all right, it's all right

A Little Respect

2006-11-15T16:00:00.000+08:00

A Little Respect

I tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter
Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart
I'm so in love with you
I'll be forever blue
That you give me no reason, you know you're making me work so hard
That you give me no . . . Soul
I hear you calling
Oh baby please give a little respect to me.

And if I should falter, would you open your arms out to me?
We can make love not war, and live in peace with our hearts
I'm so in love with you, I'll be forever blue
What religion or reason could drive a man to forsake his lover?
Don't you tell me no. . . Soul.
I hear you calling
Oh baby please, give a little respect to me.

I'm so in love with you
I'll be forever blue
That you give me no reason
You know you're making me work so hard
That you give me no. Soul.
I hear you calling.
Oh baby, please give a little respect to me.
Oh baby, please give a little respect to me.

Is that too much to ask for?

2006-11-14T19:32:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just need someone to understand. Is that too much to ask for? Oh. Angst. Maybe it's just a part of me. Just live with it.

Sometimes I wish I were someone else. Then perhaps it wouldn't hurt so bad.

Why. Why do I feel like I'm all alone. After all my efforts to reach out to people. Do they even give a damn? No. Never. Forget it my friends, it's over.

I'm just gonna act the way I wanna.

2006-11-14T19:21:00.000+08:00

It's pointless. Everything's falling apart. Nothing seems to work. Everyone's lives revolve around exams. Grades. And that's just sad.

And I've become one of them.

Ancient human hunters smelt blood on the breeze

2006-10-28T18:39:00.000+08:00

Ancient Hunters Smelt Blood In The Breeze

Our ability to detect the characteristic metallic smell left on the
skin after handling iron-containing objects like coins and keys may
have evolved for a more gory purpose: to help our hunter ancestors
track down wounded prey.

Eew. How cool is that?! =|

It's Saturday.

2006-10-28T15:02:00.000+08:00

It's a lazy Saturday.

I wonder if this works. Been doing industrial biotech all afternoon. Now I'm just stoning online. And I've stumbled upon this firefox add-on which allows me to blog anywhere. I wonder if this works...

Void.

2006-10-06T21:55:00.000+08:00

Void

Oh yes, after all the struggle over the last two years, I'm back to square one. You see, maybe it's my own fault. Or maybe that's just me after all.

So yes. Before you put the blame on me, whoever you are out there reading this blog. Blaming me for being distant, for not being there. Just take a minute and think about it. When was the last time you were there for me? Huh?

Oh yeah. Jason's supposed to do this. Jason's supposed to crack my ass up. Jason's supposed to place a smile on my face whenever I'm done. Hoho. Do you think that came naturally? Nah. You're wrong. I was trying. Trying real hard. Because my friends matter to me.

But you see. Maybe you ought to see things from my perspective. I was the one giving. All the time. Life isn't fair, I understand. But don't you think this is a wee bit overboard?

Right now. I feel dejected. I'm filled with angst. Disappointment. And just because I don't air my views, it doesn't mean that the fault's mine.

Well, then again, nobody really reads this blog, do they? You. Maybe you're the first and the last to read this.

And I detest people for a reason. So please, reflect about it when you think I hate you. Because I probably do.

That's all for today. Yup.

Run!

2006-10-02T05:28:00.000+08:00

Midnight Madness
Ever tried jogging at 4 or 5am? I did. In fact, I just did.
Perhaps some find tranquility in passing by empty parks and highways but such tranquility is simply too much for me to bear.
It spooks me.
No, really. It's freaky.
So, ever wondered how you can possibly go faster?
Jog at about now. A little earlier.
Trust me.
It works.

Oh you littler one.

2006-09-30T17:05:00.000+08:00

Oh, you littlest one.

Kids are indeed one of the most delicate creatures in the universe. They're frail, fragile and waiting. Waiting to be moulded into endless possibilities.

They fall under the same category as girls. They're meant to be doted on.

Isn't it wonderful? Having been little kiddos ourselves. Life was just laid out right before your very eyes. What simplicity. What innocence.

I've been the littlest one. Soon, it'll be someone else.

Chasing Cars

2006-09-30T16:49:00.000+08:00

Chasing Cars

Guess I was feeling rather bored. Ha. Changed the layout of my blog. I'm elated now.
Oh. Check this out. My new wallpaper.

I love it.

Rebirth

2006-09-30T12:10:00.000+08:00

Rebirth

Reformatted my comp. 'Cause somehow my net wasn't working. And now, all my files are gone. My treasure chest of mp3s and pictures I'd taken. Ouch.
Well, at least my comp's perfectly alright now.

Have you seen the new Amazing Spiderman?

Ah. Check this out. It's kinda warped though. Mary Jane knows that Parker's Spidey. AND she made and sews his costume for him. How odd is that.

Ah, I'm just bored now. Shall stone around, before getting down to packing my room.

Butterflies and Rainbow, Unicorn and Fairies

2006-09-28T20:47:00.002+08:00

Butterflies and Rainbow, Unicorn and Fairies

Perception, my friend, perception. It makes a difference to how menacing life can be.
My past is lurking.
Waiting at a corner.
Ready to pounce on me.
And yes, one day, someday, I'll be slain.

But nevermind, I'm not here to have some fancy discussion about what I've been through (And worse, what I've put others through). Perhaps the life journey we were told to do during civics set me thinking about my life. Ah yes. The last seventeen and eleven months of my painful existence.

Settled for a chart. Ha. See. It's short and neat. (And I don't have to display my erm. Lack of inclination towards art. I mean, I can't even draw a proper line or cut anything straight)
It wasn't an original idea at all. It's just somewhat a model answer, an easy way out. It's just something someone had done eons ago. I'm merely repeating it.

Happy stuff. Right. I'm here to blog about happy stuff. Seems like my blog appears a little depressing and several people have been urging me to blog about the somewhat better moments of my life.

Ah. Let's see... (Give me some time. I've gotten used to whining on my blog.)

Eh. Ok. Fine. I give up. I can't think of any right now. I'll... Get back to you soon. Haha.

Whine

2006-09-18T19:56:00.000+08:00

Whine

Somehow I've run out of words these days.
Maybe I'm feeling a little lethargic about life.
Or maybe I'm slipping into good ol' bouts of depression again.

You see.
Everything that I've held on so dearly to.
Everything.
Was nothing but a lie.

Treated everyone with all the sincerity I could possibly offer.
I could possibly try.
What do I get for return?
Nothing. (Other than being treated like trash, that is.)
Oh. And losing those who really care for me.

I can't go on like this.
I can't put on facades forever.

Hands down.
I'm just gonna be me.

Well, maybe I'm keeping my distance from anyone.
'Cause I'm waiting. To see if anyone bothers enough to get close.
Or perhaps. I don't need anyone.

Just like how everyone probably doesn't need me.

It's alright. Life's like that. Move on, Jason.

Save Tonight

2006-09-13T20:59:00.000+08:00

Save Tonight

Go on and close the curtains
cause all we need is candle light
You and me and a bottle of wine
going to hold you tonight
Well we know I'm going away
and how I wish, I wish it weren't so
So take this wine and drink with me
let's delay our misery

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

There's a log on the fire
and it burns like me for you
Tomorrow comes with one desire
to take me away it's true
It ain't easy to say goodbye
darling please don't start to cry
Cause girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Tomorrow comes to take me away
I wish that I, that I could stay
Girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone

Back to Square One

2006-09-06T19:08:00.000+08:00

Back to Square One

I'm back to square one all over again.
Oh why.
Why am I all alone all over again?

And I'm tired of people behaving like retards. Ha. It's alright. They can make a fool of themselves if that's what they wanna.
My task is done around here.

And I wonder,
Does anyone really know me at all?

Silly Me

2006-08-27T08:55:00.000+08:00

Silly Me

I'm messing up everything in my life. Over the past week, everything's been falling apart. Trust me, everything.

Yes. I'm supposed to vent my angst here. Nobody seems to understand anymore. Nobody seems to understand that everything that i'm doing's a little sacrifice I've decided to make for them. Oh. What do I get? Absolutely nothing. Being treated like I'm the demanding party, the unreasonable one.

I hate being talked to in that accusing tone. Given all that I've done. I jolly deserve some respect. And an apology too.

Ah. Yes. Stuff I've done for the class. And. Now I'm being treated like trash. Ok. Fine. Get everything settled by yourself. You think it's fun trying to settle all these behind the scenes only to lose precious time with your friends? You're so wrong.

Oh. Met Mrs. Lim Er Min in the canteen yesterday. She actually thought I looked pretty pathetic, cause I was seen trying to juggle with 10 macdonalds breakfast sets at the guardpost during ndp celebrations. What have I turned into?

Firstly, to address to issue of class funds. I didn't mess it up. The rest did.

Next up, to all you guys out there, who regard yourselves as my friends, or even buddies, just take some time off to think about it. When have you taken the initiative to approach me? To assure me that I'm alright? Oh. And how many times have I tried getting close to you guys? Trying to be there for you people despite of the truckloads that I'm facing?

Know what. It's too late. It's too bad. I've given up being the one there for all you people. Honestly, I would enjoy some time off by myself.

Ah yes. GP's tomorrow. Gonna do something about it.
Perhaps people shouldn't have mattered so much in my life.
Perhaps I just need to fulfill my calling as an RJ kid.
As a nerd.
To focus on my studies.
That's all.

All Alone

2006-08-16T20:04:00.000+08:00

All Alone

Have you ever tried star gazing? Has it ever occured that you're just a little speck in the middle of nowhere? I have. And that's what I'm feeling right now.

Is there someone out there? Hello? Anyone. Anyone who understands. Or just maybe. I'm wallowing in my self pity again. Trapped in oh-im-just-an-insignificant-freak depression again.

Hey. Guess what. Life sucks.

Tell me you love me.

2006-07-26T16:43:00.000+08:00

Haven't spoken much the whole of today. I feel out of place everywhere. Somehow I feel drained. I have to take the initiative to go up to the people who matter to me before they actually have conversations with me. Sad isn't it?

Thanks, bombo. For the sweet little note and the kit kat you prepared for me during bio lecture. It really meant alot to me.

Haven't felt so much angst in for years now. It's just how everything's happening to me at the same time. And I just have no idea how to handle it.

I'm sorry for being emotional and unreasonable.
I just wish someone would just understand.

I'm just a helpless lonely soul once again.

Oh please.
Tell me you love me.
And make everything alright again.

Bad Day

2006-07-25T18:16:00.000+08:00

It's been a nasty day.
Everything dear to me has been taken away from me.
Everything.

I'm unreasonable.
Just let me be.

Leave me all alone then.

Sweet Indulgence

2006-07-24T21:22:00.000+08:00

Sweet Indulgence

It's time. It's time to embrace all that I have.
Hmmm... Sweet indulgence.

I tend to keep to myself these days. It's simply impossible to find anyone who understands these days.

Ah. What if dreams were reality?

Engulfed by the intensive workload these days.

Let's see. I'm behind for all my work and I ain't living up to my own expectations. That's life isn't it? Life's a bitch. Face it.

Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.
Romance. Charming isn't it?

I wanna make you smile whenever youre sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
I'll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
I'll need you
I'll feed you
Even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you

Oh. I'm in love.

Why Oh Why

2006-07-23T09:11:00.000+08:00

We had our learning journey yesterday. The entire class took part in the Heritage Trail event. And it was pretty insane with Jalan Besar and Balestier areas flooded with seas of gory red shirts.

Formed a team with the angels. And I felt rather bitter the entire morning. Why is that so? I'll talk about it later on. Anyway, I had fun running around like a madman. Guess I was just venting all the frustrations I'd felt inside.

The entire event went well and our class had lunch with Mr. Lim. Who treated the whole bunch of starving kiddos (us) to KFC. God. And the family combos came with this erm. Superman collector's set (a couple of coasters). Odd. Hmmm...

Just stoned around chatted about stuff.

Ok. Ah. Felt bitter about my sis. Well. Nevermind.

It's Me Against The World

2006-05-20T01:12:00.000+08:00

It's Me Against The World.

Why are these tears streaming down my face? Why do I feel distant from everyone else? When I'm trying to get close to people?

I hate this existence. I'm all alone. And nobody gives a damn about me. Or maybe that's how I wanna see it. Argh.

It's been really lousy these days. Perhaps I'm reading too much into stuff. Sometimes I wonder if I do have any friends at all. And I ask myself. What the hell am I doing here. I can't stand some people. And yet I've been obliged to put on a front. To pretend that everything's alright. I loathe the way people do stuff sometimes. Or the way they don't seem to give a crap about anything only to be given credit for it. Ok. I'm full of angst right now.

I have nothing. Nothing at all. And sooner or later. I'll be left all alone. All by myself behind. Again.

I'm sorry alright?! I'm sorry that I'm not the person I appear to be. I'm sorry I read too much into stuff. I'm sorry that I can't express myself properly. I'm sorry that I'm just trying to make life better for everyone. I'm sorry for being a freakin idealist. I'm sorry for everything that I've done that shouldn't be done. I'm sorry for breing who I am. I'm sorry for being unreasonable all the time. I'm sorry for trying to the one sacrificing everything. Everything that I possess for nothing at all. I'm sorry for everything alright?

And I can't even express myself on my blog. Why? Cause it's wrong. It's wrong to bitch about stuff. It's wrong to blog about people. It's wrong to even have my own opinions at all. Oh. Know what. I'm gonna heck about everything.

For one. I'm not as smart as everyone else. I'm not outstanding or anything. I'm just a guy next door.

Next. I'm detached from everyone. Everyone. My family. My friends. My buddies. My classmates. Everyone ok? And that hurts.

And I'm merely trying to make lives easier for everyone. And I'm all alone. Nvm.

Why is that so? Nevermind. I'm insignificant. It doesn't really matter. So what if you're reading this? Huh? Will you do anything about it? Can you do anything about it?

How about no?

Maybe I'll just cry myself to sleep tonight.

My Classmates

2006-05-12T09:27:00.000+08:00

More on My Classmates

Meet Shih Hsien. He's hiding behind some lyrics. And I look insane. God.

Meet Sin Yong the magician. Noone trusts this conman anymore. Ha.

This is Hulin. Somehow he looks a little sleepy here. Hmm...

ODAC Stayover.

2006-05-12T09:13:00.000+08:00

ODAC

My sis is returning from the hostel today. I'll be lonely no more! Finally. And we can go shopping and nonsense together. Ha.

Ehhhhh... Yesterday was a lousy day. I was lagging for all the tutorials. And now... I can't even focus on doing work. I'm just excited about the chalet I guess... Hmm...

Oh. We had our last lesson with Mrs Seah yesterday. It's kinda sad. I mean. She only took us since the start of this year and... Dunno. Odd. Though she appears to be rather temperamental these days... We'll miss her nonetheless. Had a little farewell party for her yesterday and we're all glad that she liked it. Mr Lim joined us too. All of us had fun snapping pics away. And digging into the cake (which looked a little gross later on.)

Charmaine's junior passed her RI yearbooks. Cause of some random comment that she made. And it's a disaster now. Everyone's checking out how odd we looked. Oh man. My hair was flat in sec 2. God. (And centre parting too. Eew)

And we were all dozing off during physics yesterday... And Mr Lim had to end the lesson much earlier. Oops.

Ah. We're all going for the chalet later on. Hmm.

Bio Spa

2006-05-09T19:20:00.000+08:00

Bio Spa tml

Today's a rather short day... Nothing much happened.
Oh! This is a pic of us during GP.

Meet my classmate Maha! Haha. Ok. I've gone nuts... Doesn't he look just like a Bollywood celebrity? God!

Maha again! Ha.

Ok. I've gone nuts. I'll feature more of my classmates the next time round. Till then, see you!

Back to School

2006-05-08T21:00:00.000+08:00

Back to School

Returned to school today. I still feel a little odd though. Not think I'm alright. Yet.

Ah. Bio makeup spa's on Wednesday. Gonna prepare it tomorrow I guess. Ohhh... Didn't attend math s today. Didn't feel quite right...

Had lunch and went home. Oh. Vijay (One of the cluster dudes) mailed me. Something about the months we're born in.

October:
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave andfearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.

I didn't add in the last part myself. I AM the sexiest of us all. Ha!

Ah ok. I'm lagging for my tutorials. I'm soooooo screwed. Bleargh.

I'm Still Ill

2006-05-07T12:15:00.000+08:00

I'm Still Ill

It's Sunday already. Had Mother's Day celebrations yesterday. You know. Like a get-together for my family. I miss them alot. Haven't been around for any of them. And maybe I'm just a spoilt brat.

My nose is as leaky as ever. My bin's filled with gooey tissue. To the brim. It's kinda sick. Really.

I haven't been feeling this lousy and stuff in recent years. To to worsen my condition, my limbs are peeling. I look like a cow or something. Pathetic.

There. My arm's looking like a banana. I think I see Canada though. And abit of Singapore.

Its odd feeling sickly. I can't focus on anything and that's really frustrating. Tried to read up for bio spa on Friday. Nothing went in and I had problems getting out of my bed. God.

Missed out on alot of stuff. Volleyball. Dance Night. And probably CO concert tonight.

Been thinking about certain stuff when I'm stoning on my bed though. It just seems like I'm drifting apart from everyone else. My friends in particular. It's just... Perhaps sometimes you know people so well... That they're kinda predictable and... All their flaws seem to magnify. Or maybe the relationships' gone to sour. Do they all turn out nasty?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm made to be a loner. Right now. Guess how I feel right now? I wanna distance myself from almost everybody else. I hate it.

Oh well. Let's talk about something else before I release my pent up angst yet again. Oh. Lost my wallet a couple of weeks ago. Was loitering around Tampines Mall and this particular wallet kinda grabbed my attention. Yeah. I'm extremely fussy when it comes to stuff like that.

Yup. And I bought it in the end. And it's Stranger again. Ha. It's supposedly gothic (Oh! It comes with a bicycle chain-like thingy. Removed it.) (And in the top right hand corner. It's just a piece of the gazillion pieces of tissue piling up.)

I'm ill

2006-05-03T13:02:00.000+08:00

I'm Ill

I'm not feeling well... That explains why I'm blogging at 1pm on a Wednesday. Haha.

There's this flu bug going around i think... Everyone's falling ill... Hmmm... To everyone out there: Take care!

Let's see... Was on my way down to the canteen for breakfast with siumin this morning and somehow we ended up talking about what we wanna do upon graduation. She thinks being a deejay is cool. Haha. Erm. Never really replied her.

You see. My ambition was to be a psychologist (That's if I'm ever sane enough to be one). To set up a local training centre to nurture local psychologists wannabes. And... To commit the rest of my time to community service. To serve as a shrink and a volunteer at the homes. Well. Passion was all I had you see.

But over the years, I'm becoming disillusioned about the entire community service thingy. Is it really as noble as it appears to be? Is the service as noble as the way it's intended to be?

As I was talking to charmaine the other day... Will passion ever last? I mean. What if I've decided to take up some impractical and crappy job just because I'm feeling insane over it? Just for that moment? And if this passion dies away after a couple of years? What'll be left of me?

I don't know. It scares me to even try to take a peek at the future.

I have no idea what I'm going to be. And that explains the choices I'm making these days. Such that my carrer options are never limited.

I don't ever wanna live to regret my doings yesterday. Again.

For now, I'll just go have my lunch, pop some pills, take a nap and do my tutorials. I'm contented. For now.

Kayaking

2006-04-30T10:41:00.000+08:00

Background Music!

Yeah. Added new background music to this blog. It's... Find The Way from Gundam Seed. It's a pretty nice song. Erm. Right? Haha.

I'm actually amused that people actually read my blog. Random people like... Clara Ngoh. Ha.
And her friend too. Who happened to link to my blog. Somehow. Anyway. To all the people reading my blogs out there... Hellooooo...

Let's see. We had kayaking yesterday. Ah. Haven't been doing watersports this year at all. Well. If you've been reading my blog, you would've realised by now that the last time I was doing any form of watersport was actually last December. The time when I almost died and how gorilla saved my life and was named my... "Best Friend". Ha.

Ok. Back to yesterday. Arrived at Changi Adventure Camp yesterday morning. You see. We had to prepare for the upcoming J1 CCAL camp which is taking place in May. Eh. The couple of us decided that it was pretty cool for us to get together once again. Under the Bintan stars.

Star gazing. It makes us feel... So insignificant. Everything. And... Nothing else seems to matter anymore... Even just for that moment. Ah.. Nvm.

So. Hopped onto our kayaks. Shared an open deck double with Ngoh. Gorilla and Daffy took a Dolphin each.

We were with the current at first. And... We travelled 7.5km in about 2 hours? That was... easy peasy. But we decided that we might be getting a little too old for this. Haha.

Stopped over at East Coast for lunch. Had lunch with Ms Pang and Ms Koh. They're pretty fun people to hang around with. Though... Ms Koh may appear to be a little strict. (I used to be terrified of her.)

Anyway... Made our way back after lunch. Then. It was nightmare. The current was killing us. I was a little panicky. I mean. That's where it all happened last year. And... Ngoh wasn't quite feeling well with her rashes. And... Tried to entertain her. To make her feel a little better.

Died halfway. Couldn't move a limb anymore. Argh.

Performed several drills. And washed up. Mr Shah sent us to parkway later on.

Ngoh went home to look after her little bro. And... Gorilla, Daffy and I went for dinner.. We looked rather odd. You know. Three red and burnt thingies walking around. Eew.

Stoned around parkway later on. Daffy was excited about the Crazy Sale. So we popped by for a look. Haha (And Mr Shah was upset that he couldn't join us).

Daffy bought a holey cap. Haha. We were pretty tired after that.

Ah. I'm still tired.

Find the Way lyrics

2006-04-30T10:34:00.000+08:00

Find The Way (English Translation)

Why do you, with your small hands,
try to carry all these wounds on your back?
It isn't for any one person's sake, please don't lose sight of that
Why am I, while hesitating,
Unable to escape?
What I hope for is the sun, the sun to light the way...

You said, "I had a long dream...
It was a very sad dream,
but what I saw wasn't one bit clouded..."
I said, "It's okay to cry,
because I'll stay by your side no matter what."
What I wish for is a hand, a hand to reach up to me...

Find the way
Even without words, even without wings to fly on
As long as we stand our ground in the wind
Even if we're the first ones afflicted with this pain...

Giving an answer surely isn't everything
I'll be patient, it's all right, and so are you...

Find the way
You'll find the way
Find the way
Though in this glowing cosmos our hands can't quite reach
We depend on only our resounding love
Because at the end of the path we've traveled we'll find the light
Find the way
Even without words, even without wings to fly on
As long as we stand our ground in the wind
At the end of the path we've traveled we finally saw the light...
You'll find the way

Losing Control

2006-04-20T21:48:00.000+08:00

Losing Control

I'm losing control of myself again. Flaring up at everyone who gets on my nerves. It's just. How unreasonable and irresponsible some people are... Oh well. Nevermind.

Let's see... How's life these days? Well. It sucks. Yeah. Sucks to the core. I haven't been feeling well since the common tests... Been missing lessons and haven't been doing my work proper. That stinks. I'm lagging all over again.

Had biology mock spa today. Screwed it up big time.

Ah. And there's physics spa tomorrow. And I've yet to do anything about it. I'll just do my tutorials first. Then worry about it later.

Enough said about work. It makes me seem like a geek or something. Eew.

My past's creeping up on me. I'm not exactly proud of it. So why can't I be freaking left alone?

I'm living my way of life.

Rant

2006-04-09T11:53:00.000+08:00

Rant

It's really weird how I seem to feel lethargic these days. Haven't been completing my work. I'm so dead.

Let's see... What can I actually blog about? Oh. I'll start with ORA yesterday i guess...

Reached school at 6.30am yesterday. You know, it's really awkward in the morning. With people around the school, yet there weren't any familiar faces. Everything seems so foreign, with the elaborate decorations and the parade of strangers. I had no idea what to do. It felt as if I don't belong somehow. After loitering around for quite some time, I bumped into Aloysius whom I haven't met for quite some time. As in, really met up to talk about stuff.

It's the same old Aloysius. The Aloysius whom we all tease, the Aloysius whom I was close to in the secondary days. Somehow I missed everyone from RI despite some of the nasty memories. I found myself searching for my friends, the bunch of nutcases and the neverending fun and insanity.

Sometimes I wonder if I've changed. Sometimes... it just feels like I've become such a bore. A loner.

We had a walk round RJ and RI, during which the bunch of RG kiddos made a wrong turn and headed towards macritchie instead. Ha.

Headed back to RJ and made our way to LT 1. Where we were quatantined for the next 2 hours or so. The ceremony lasted for about an hour and a half? Felt rather exhausted somehow, and was dozing off...

Sniffed our way to the food fair after the ceremony with bunny and poopy. Just felt like another of our many bingeing erm. Excursions. Haha. Busted 20 bucks at the fair. I'm such a sucker for food. Bleargh...

Met up with shumin. And Hulin later on. Hulin had to meet up with the PM to talk about CIP or something.

Oh CIP. Perhaps I'm suffering from CIP fatigue. I mean. What's the point of doing CIP? To erm. Make a difference in the lives of others? Or. To make yourself feel a little more significant by thinking that you're making a difference in someone else's life? What about the beneficiaries? Do they really need our help? Help in merely the monetary form? So they'll put up with us during our invasion into their little cosy village? So all the hospitalility we receive, is it merely a front? It's... Nevermind. There're actually projects and proposals drawn up out there, waiting for kiddos to take them up. I know, it's convenient and stuff. But, isn't it a little over-commercialised? This pay-and-go-and-that's-it form of community service? Ah. Nevermind. Don't wanna talk about it.

Let's move on. Ah. Met up with Benny later on. It's amazing (and amusing too) how we don't really talk about stuff. Yet I know he's dependable when I really need someone to be there for me. Someday. Ha.
We went for the blood test thingy for the BMDP. They were squeezing my finger as if it were an udder or something. Ha. Funny.

Attended haunted house with yeye and hul and jek. Ended up playing hearts while queueing. It was insane. As if it were some idol nonsense. Waited about 2 hours for our turn? Ha. But it's quite worthwhile, with all the effort they had put in. Hmm...

Went home later on. Took 59 with hulin. Talked about stuff. Realised that it's kinda sad that we only talk about odac or school work most of the time. Hmm..

Reached home. Slept like a log.

2006-04-05T13:07:00.000+08:00

"All we have to believe with is our senses, the tools we use to perceive the world: our sight, our touch, our memory. If they lie to us, then nothing can be trusted. And even if we do not believe, then still we cannot travel in any other way than the road our senses show us; and we must walk that road to the end."

"We all not only could know everything. We do. We just tell ourselves we don't to make it all bearable."

Random Thoughts

2006-03-17T22:11:00.000+08:00

Just Stuff

"You get what everyone gets - you get a lifetime."

Just some random thoughts about stuff. Well. I had chosen to join odac last year. You see, I needed a cca and there was nothing else I could possibly join. Thus I decided to give odac a try, and perhaps drop it after one or two sessions.

Honestly, running stairs and round the school are pretty silly stuff to do. It's boring.

And I hated the outdoors. I mean. What's the point of hiding in tents when you have a home? Why bother pooping in the bushes like a bunch of monkeys?

Yeah. As Clara and a few others know, I hated being a Quartermaster. And maybe I still do.

I just wanted to make something out of odac. Something different. Something all of us can be proud of. Always.
I wanted events larger than anything. I seeked perfection. And mistakes were never tolerated, especially on my part.

But. It's the people around me who matter. The times when I helped people carry equipment. The weight might be a little overbearing for a puny dude like me. But it's all worthwhile for the people I love. I just wanted to do everything I could to make people around me feel a little better.

And the times, when Hul and Limin and Ngoh and many others would worry about me, when they prepared yummy meals for me, when they took care of me and fed me when I was acting like nothing but an irritating piece of... nuisance.

The times, when the quartermasters (and that's Ngoh, and everyone else who have been QMs before) stayed up all day and even nights to prepare for a single event, only to go unnoticed. And every single time we have to do something, we grumble and comtemplate doing a lousy job and slack off. Somehow, perfection is always attained and few or even no mistakes made at all.

You see, we're such dependable people that others have already taken us for granted. Haha.

And logistics, its the least worry for any event. Any event at all.

I'm proud of all of us. And I dare say that I've given my best. and so has Ngoh. I would never have done it without the others. You know, though Ngoh appears to be the top slackers of all time, she does all her work. She'll appear everytime I call her up to inform her about some chore she has to do. And guess what. She has mugged the odac archives. Haha.

And the others, like Leow for example, he's already a part time QM. Ha. Thanks for your contributions Leow, we love you =) (And yeye and I love you for your funny sessions. Heh.)

Janice and Charmaine Chong, for pitching every single tent in the room with us during the holidays. Nobody knew about your contributions.

Baiscally everyone else.

And Hulin. That crazy boy. Finally odac's coming to an end. He can catch some rest.

"Charitably... I think... Sometimes, perhaps... one must change or die. And, in the end, there were, perhaps limits to how much he could let himself change."

I've changed. I love expeditions now. I love the outdoors. I love XXI. I love you guys.
Always.

And in three words I can sum up everything I've learnt about life.
It goes on.

2006-03-15T23:52:00.000+08:00

Yeah. I look cranked up. And gorilla wonders why she's sitting with such a retard. Ha.

Here's my group. Group 1. They... Prefer to be called the Hiking Monsters. Beware.

(Notice that our shirts are tucked in. Ha.)

Ah. Yes. The Monsters again. The girls look hyper and the guys look dead. Maybe they're just acting cool. Notice jean's friends in the background. Siyi and Steph. They sneaked into the picture. Sneaky...

Pictures from Ophir

2006-03-15T23:46:00.000+08:00

Yeah. Mr shah and me. On Ophir. Haha. I look... Stunned.

Mount Ophir. Yet another trip.

2006-03-13T11:02:00.000+08:00

Mount Ophir. Yet Another Trip.

Yeah. I've returned from my third Mount Ophir trip yesterday. It was kinda a leadership camp led by rjc odac for secondary school kiddos from various secondary schools...

Had my first trip when I was another secondary three kiddo. Just like them. I was practically hyperventilating on my way up. And I had hated the outdoors. I've never figured out why would someone enjoy being in the outdoors when you can live in comfort in your very home. The moment I reached the bottom of the hill, I swore to myself to never ever be such a retard to touch Mount Ohpir again.

Refused to make another trip to the hill in secondary four. Wriggled my way out of it.

Was forced to go again last year. This time, I was kinda the qm for the trip. We were organising the trip for our peers in odac. It's true that I've grown to like the outdoors, the companions we have up there, the star gazing we had, our "showers" in the river and answering our nature calls together. Yeah. It's sick. But it's fun. Haha.

Okok. Now, I'm there for the third time. I was a group leader of a bunch of rather quiet and introverted kiddos. I was filled with angst at first, since i had to go to that irritating hill again. Hmmm... But... I've grown to love the kiddos over the last few days. The'yre probably few of the most wonderful kiddos around. And we almost teared during the session on the last night. Haha. Continued with our life journeys though the activity was scrapped. And it brought all of us even closer together.

Even though I was a qm for this trip, I didn't do much for the logistics. It was my first time being a group leader and I wanted to cherish it. I'm sorry...

I'm tired now. Shall slack awhile... Heh.

Enough. Enough is enough.

2006-03-03T21:53:00.000+08:00

Here I go. Another bitching session.

No more mister nice guy on my part. You know, spideys wrong. Great responsibility does not necessarily come with great power. Well, at least there's one thing I've learnt over the past year. Responsibilities can actually be shirked. and some of my peers are actually talented in this aspect. Yeah. That and nothing else.

There's the entire quartermaster melodramatic account. Sometimes stuff gets out of my hands. Well actually. I let stuff get out of my hands. I ask myself. Why. Why am I doing all these. Why do I have to do all these. Only because I'm the only one up to it? When was the last time I had fun?

Poop asked if I cry today. She says I probably cry when I'm alone or something. There was a long silence. I lied.

Yeah. I recall. The last time I had to clear the room. I was all alone. Everyone else had left. The cupboards fell apart. And everything came tumbling down. That's when I almost cried.

I have no idea why I'm doing this anymore. Why?
For my fellow odacians?
For my exco?
Ha. That's funny.

Noone has any idea how it's like to pour everything in the room to check every single item. Every. Single. Freaking. Item.

Pitching. Every. Darn. Tent.

During my holidays. Over my weekends. After my lessons. After trainings.

AND. some retard comes along to place potatoes in the cupboards and stuff. And screws everything up all over again.

People begging you for stuff when they're desperate for them. People shunning you when stuff's to be done. People ignoring you when the room's to be cleared. People blaming you when something goes wrong. Anything.

Why do I bother? I'm just a puny quartermaster. Why do I have to pretend that I enjoy doing all these. That I have to try to spur people on to do stuff. That everything's worth it.

Why do I bother tiring myself out. Over and over again over the room. Why. Please. Tell me why.

And please. Do not behave like fucks around me. Really. Please. I'm going to lose it one of these days. And I've no idea what I'm capable of doing.

Perhaps I'll wreck your neck like a lightstick.
Tear your skin apart like a tentbag.

Blabber.

2006-02-26T16:41:00.000+08:00

Blabber.

It's a sunday. It's a stay-at-home-and-waste-my-time-away-doing-nothing day. Hmmm...

Somehow, I feel better today. It's funny how I actually thought i was suffering from maniac depression and stuff. Stumbled upon this website about mental illnesses. Hmm. I'm weird.

Ah yes. There're holes in my DS-Trainers already. Been searching for shoes online. I kinda fancy Asics Gel-Kinsei. It's like. Red. Ha.

Oh. Had cluster training yesterday. Was all grouchy in the morning. Oh well. Couldn't have made it on time. Took a cab there in the end.

Well, I beginning to love the kids. You know, we were trying hard to stay quiet. Since normally we're the ones acting nuts and stuff. Hmmm...

Yeah. Those kids went far beyond my expectations. Quote gorilla "immense potential in them..." Ha.

Had prata after the hike. Yeah. After summitting Bukit Timah twice on the same day.
I had mutton bryani. And... Milo dino. I was practically starving. Holy.

Well, though I don't really talk much to the odacians. I'm thankful for having these buddies in odac. People I can trust in. Work with. Trust my life with. Ha.

In fact, Gorilla has saved my life before. Haha.
Took 66 with benny yesterday. Felt like us going home after hockey in sec 1 all over again.

odac

2006-02-24T21:18:00.000+08:00

Just Plain Bitching.

Well, I've had this conversation with Leow and we've talked about odac and stuff.

I'm going to bitch here. So please don't take me seriously.
Refrain from reading if you're from odac or something.
If you really have to carry on, kindly take note that the following is nothing but my personal views.

You see, odac used to be fun for me. I... I didn't really mind committing to odac and stuff. Ok. Odac was my life. Was. It was for last year.

Odac. What have I learnt from odac? Honestly, I've proven myself and everybody that I'm capble of doing things. And I'm not the only one around in odac having done that. Odac's filled with outstanding individuals. And I respect them. Or rather, most of them.

And I despise some.

Odac. I've tried my hands on everything. From logistics to organisation of events to expeditions and community involvement projects. I swear I've given my all for all of the above.

Now, what else have I learnt from Odac? Ahhh... Here's the interesting part. People change. Yeah. Accept it. Like it or not, people do change.

Pardon my language here. I'm fucking pissed with betrayals. With backstabbers. With useless bums calling themselves names and positions they don't deserve. Not at all.

Some people just have the tendency to screw up. Or perhaps they simply don't give a damn. Maybe having fun and staying around in cliques are the most important things to them. If that's the case, go on and be an associate. Nobody will care. Nobody will give a shit about you. Just like you don't give a shit about odac.

Congrats. You've killed my enthusiasm for odac. Why am I being treated like a slave, a maid when you're out there having fun. When we're supposed to be equals. Screw off. Trust me, I'm sure I can do a better job at having fun than you people. I'm sure I can.

I'm freaking sick of covering up for people and cleaning people's asses.

For one, I do hope people can start by giving their honest opinions about stuff.
And here's something from me:

BTC was screwed up.
It was screwed up real bad.

Nothing but me.

2006-02-23T20:45:00.000+08:00

Me. Just me.

You know, sometimes I wonder. I wonder if I'm the outgoing guy I pretend to be. Maybe after all these years, I'm stll the introvert I was back then.

I find it hard to communicate with people at times. Well, communicating as in really communicating. As in heart-to-heart talks and stuff. I don't really engage in such conversations with many people, if not none at all.

Have I ever mentioned how fed up I am with the entire quartermaster nonsense? I know. I'm not supposed to mention all these since I'm an exco member. But. What meaning is there being an exco member? To put it bluntly, we're just another batch of kids from odac. Just another bunch.

Quartermaster. That's nothing but bullcrap. I'm being treated like a maid. And I been acting as if I enjoy being a maid or something. As a matter of fact, I don't. So screw off. Well, from now on, you've just got to learn to clean up after yourselves. No more I'm-gonna-go-home-and-dear-jason-can-clean-our-asses-for-us nonsense. No more.

Odac's fun. But the job just sucks. Maybe I'm just overdoing what I'm suppose to do.

Odac aside, I'm going to talk about my class. Yeah, I know. I don't have a life. It's just about odac, class and work these days. Well, I never liked our class at the start of last year. Yeah. I ponned every single class event at the very slightest opportunity available. By the end of last year, I have yet to speak to a third of the class. How tragic is that?

It's partly because I miss 4Q I guess. But after the past year, I've learnt to move on.
And I've realised how wonderful our class is.
How nice our tutors are.

I'm certain that we're one of the most all rounded class around. We rock.
And trust me, Mr Lim's really nice to us too.
Plus all other tutors.

I'm trying to bring the class together. I'm really trying. It's just... tragic to see a class torn into cliques. Maybe Reb's right. I'm just being a retarded idealist. Perhaps I ought to leave things the way they are.

But no. Everyone in the class seems to be much closer to one another now. At least we're starting to have endless nonsensical convesations and we're doing retarded stuff together. Isn't that what a class is about? I don't know... I just want to make everyone feel like they belong. I... I just want to see everyone cry during our prom. Does it even make sense? Perhaps I just sound like a sadist.

Somehow I feel like I'm not doing enough. I'll work on it.

Yeah. I have to admit. Sometimes I'm just being unreasonable. I'll snap at people. Anybody who crosses my path. I'm just fed up that things are working out the way I want them to. I'm sorry.

Now, class aside. My work's been lagging ever since I've been down with flu 2 weeks ago. It's really sad. I have to work harder.

Work's piling up. I'm neglecting my family. Life sucks.

Down

2006-02-16T12:49:00.000+08:00

Down.

I'm down with flu. Well. Felt terrible this morning. Couldn've made it to school. Haha. It's time for me to break down yet again.

Let's see. Loads of stuff happened this week. Guess Valentine's Day was the highlight of the week. Yeahhh... At least everybody was happy that day. After our (me and kar) plan. Come on. We're the only class with all the girls carrying roses and the guys lugging balloons around... You know. I'm starting to fall in love with our class. Everyone in our class, every single one of us, rock.

I'm really glad that I'm in 2S03C. Though there're times when conflicts arise and such... But still. You know. I'm starting to feel for 2S03C the way I did for 4Q.

I'm sorry. As in my closer friends. I haven't been around for them. I... I don't know. Sometimes I just need time for myself. To be alone. And other times... I'm doing stuff. Sorry...

You know. Rj isn't that cold and evil a place people make it out to be. It's just empty along the corridors somehow. Haha. And the bonsais around the school's kinda weird. Other than that, everybody else is nice. And they all desere our respect. At least most of the people in Rj.

I'm glad I've odac. Well. Though there's lots of stuff to be done and stuff. It's fun. Ah. Everyday's a sporting season for odac. Haha. Found loads of great buddies in odac.

I know this sounds sick. But I've fallen in love with odac. And. I don't really mind being a quarter master anymore. At least I don't detest it that much. Loathed doing it last year...

Well. At least I know I'm not alone anymore.

Like what I said to thammy the other day.
Perhaps. We're all better than how we make ourselves out to be.

Night Hike and Flu

2006-02-12T18:02:00.000+08:00

Night Hike and Flu.

We had night hike on friday. It's amazing how many J1s we have this year. You know, sometimes i wonder, if all of us should go for an expedition or something, will we actually level the hill or something. Holy.

I love my group. I ain't the group leader or anything. But I just enjoy the company of my group. Bunch of funky J1s.

Thanks people. Haven't had so much fun for quite awhile...

Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to follow my group. So I was posted to this erm. "The Quiz Station." Yeah. I know. It sounds pretty lame and boring. I assure you it was.

Had dinner with my J1s at 4 plus on friday. I... feel like a J1 all over again. No more exco thingy. Or qm nonsense. Just me. Laming around.

Walked back to school in the rain. It was pretty fun. Haven't done that for quite awhile too...
And yeah. My group and I were all late for the meeting. Nonetheless, we all had fun. At least I did. Haha.

Assembled near the room. Only to find Snowy dead. Sigh. But it's due to old age... I kinda miss him though...

Bid my group farewell. Hopped on Mr. Low's vehicle and left for Mandai with Benny and Gorilla.
Was stationed at B37. Some ulu bus stop.

The second group left at 12 midnight. We couldn't take it anymore. Started straying off... Walked past this beer garden thingy. And then we decided to make our way to Mandai Zoo and Night Safari. Well. We never made it.

We found this bus stop. Gorilla and Benny grabbed a bench. And hugged it to sleep. Leaving nothing for me. And they fell asleep. All I had for company was the "Mandarin COOL!" campaign nonsense.

It says, "Hossan Leong makes his audience laugh in English and in fluent French. And in mandarin too." Erm. How does one luagh in fluent French?! We never figured that part out.

"JJ Lin is an ACS boy, and likes Shakespeare and Charles Dickens." That so links to mandarin.

"Fanny Lai [some position of the zoo]'s knowledge of Mandarin has boosted her career." And we wonder how one converses with apes in Mandarin. Holy.

I kept watch for about an hour. CAUSE I HAD NOTHING TO SLEEP ON! Holy.

Benny told me snails reproduce by doing weird stuff with their feelers. So I started harassing the snails. Heh. Oops.

Returned to our station. And the teachers bought us roti johns. That looked like huge Ramlies. Haha. Yummy. And teh tarik too.

Fell asleep. 2 more groups came. We went back to school. Fell asleep again.

Had breakfast with my group after dismissal. Haha. It was erm. My first night hike ever. Haha.

Fatique

2006-02-11T12:22:00.000+08:00

I'm back.

You know, after all my efforts to be trusting and such over the past couple of years. This just had to hit me in my face, yet again, causing me to withdraw into my little comfort zone. A little world... of my own.

I don't feel like talking these days. I just want to be all by myself. To think about stuff. Or to avoid thinking about stuff.

Doubt. I'm starting to doubt people all over again. Well, betrayal's an impossibility should trust hadn't been there in the first place right? I can't stand betrayal. I loathe it.

It's very much different this year. As compared to the last. For one, I no longer believe in anythings attainable through sheer faith and hard work. Some things... Certain stuff... Are just far beyond my reach.

I'm so going to lose my temper one of these days.

You know. I no longer feel for anything. Not even for odac. I mean, what's the point of being the retard and do all the nonsense all by yourself, only to see the slackers and losers having fun right next to you? How does it feel to be taken for granted? And all these scums do is to poke fun at you? Well. Discovery of the day: People change. For the better. Or for the worse.

Gone are the days when i cast away all my doubts about people. Gone are the days when I trusted people unconditionally. Everyone has an agenda. Many resort to other means to attain what they want. Irregardless of the repurcussions on the lives of the others.

These are the days, when the kind are the fools, and the trusting are to be disappointed. Maybe it's just me, being pessimistic again. But think about it, isn't that always the case? We never get to live in fairy tales. Wolves always triumph. And the grannies are meant to be consumed whole.

Here I am, rattling nonsense again.

Perhaps I'm not the person people made me out to be.
I'm just another boy next door.
With a little bit of arrogance and insecurity.
And a wee bit of depression.

Perhaps that's the case for everyone.

Or perhaps it's just me.

Feel - Robbie Williams

2006-02-11T12:05:00.000+08:00

Come on hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living.
Not sure I understand,
This role I've been given.

I sit and talk to god
And he just laughs at my plans,
My head speaks a language,
I don't understand.

I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
'Cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.

I don't wanna die,
But I ain't keen on living either.
Before I fall in love,
I'm preparing to leave her.
I scare myself to death,
That's why I keep on running.
Before I've arrived,
I can see myself coming.

I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
'Cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.

And I need to feel, real love
And a life ever after.
I cannot get enough.

I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in,
I got too much love,
Running through my veins, going to waste.

I just wanna feel real love,
In a life ever after
There's a hole in my soul,
You can see it in my face, it's a real big place.

Come and hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living,
Not sure I understand,
This role I've been given

Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.

Just trying

2006-02-09T20:59:00.000+08:00

Pardon me for being moody these days.

I'm just trying.

All 'bout Loving You - Bon Jovi

2005-12-26T18:40:00.000+08:00

All 'bout Loving You - Bon Jovi

Looking at the pages of my life

Faded memories of me and you

Mistakes you know I've made a few

I took some shots and fell from time to time

Baby, you were there to pull me through

We've been around the block a time or two

I'm gonna lay it on the line

Ask me how we've come this far

The answer's written in my eyes

Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new

That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more

I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time

When I look at what my life's been comin' to

I'm all about lovin' you

I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've paid some dues, baby

We've been to hell and back again

Through it all you're always my best friend

For all the words I didn't say and all the things I didn't do

Tonight I'm gonna find a way

You can take this world away

You're everything I am

Just read the lines upon my face

I'm all about lovin' you

Love

2005-12-26T12:11:00.000+08:00

So Happy Together

My sis is getting married on the 9 January.

It's indeed a joyous occasion.

A shout out to the universe out there...

"We're in love...

... till death do us part."

They've been together for about 12 or 13 years.

Ever since...

I was five.

Never really liked him initially.

Like hello.

He was taking my sis away from me.

Haha.

I was so naive then.

Perhaps I still am.

He's quite a nice dude.

Well, at least he's nice to my sis.

And they're happy together.

And they're in love.

They're still in love.

That's.... Sweet.

I never quite figured out how people settle down with

a particular somebody.

I always seeked for someone new.

Always wanted to love.

Just maybe...

I don't quite grasp the concept of love.

Never at all.

What exactly is love?

Two souls and one thought, two hearts and a pulse?

I don't know.

People sneak into my life and then wander off.

I don't really know anymore...

Everytime.

Everytime I try to start my pathetic little life anew,

My past creeps up behind me.

You know,

that's irritating.

Oh love...

"I'll be there for you...

these five words i swear to you..."

Perfection.

2005-12-26T12:02:00.000+08:00

Perfection.

I was blog reading. It's already twelve and I'm just out of my bed.

Sometimes I wonder.

This is not how my life ought to be.

It's not even close to perfection.

My kind of perfection.

Then I act like a bastard and make everybody upset.

Thinking that they're the ones making me upset.

In fact, I'm perpetually upset.

Insatiable.

Those tears rolled down my cheeks a moment ago.

And I wonder,

perhaps I'm the one.

The one who isn't perfect enough for my life.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-25T02:27:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas folks!

It's such a pleasant surprise to have friends

who actually remember you during this festive season.

Thanks Wesley! For the greeting.

And the card I never received...

(Yeah. Singpost isn't that reliable, I guess.)

Thanks Tizhen! Never expected that sms from you. Heh.

Thanks Hanhan! It's been a year since we've chatted.

I'm glad I'm not forgotten or anything. Heh.

Thanks Chi Hung! Well. He's this interact junior of mine.

I've never been close to my juniors...

And the card was really really unexpected.

Thanks dude!

Ahhh...

Lastly, I would like to thank Mr. Kevin Low.

Yeah. I guess he actually sent everybody in odac a msg.

That's really sweet of him.

I'm sure many babes are after him.

(Just to mention a few, for example, Vera and... erm. Vera.)

He's probably just a little...

Picky. Heh.

Thought he was chasing me for equipment.

Holy mama.

Oh. It's 2.30 already.

Shall nap soon.

Before my sis wedding cake delivery tomorrow.

Loads of relatives to visit.

Loads to catch up with.

Once again.

Thanks for making my day!

Blog Reading

2005-12-24T14:46:00.000+08:00

Vera Strikes Again

Ah. Finally. I've added links to my puny little blog.

Hmmm... Happened to read about what jek quoted vera.

"You're having me!"

Here goes another tale of vera's seduction.

It was a cold and lonely night.

Hulin was packing his stuff

(including his 3 litres of water)

Meanwhile, he was desperately trying to rub his hands

just to keep himself a little warmer.

His day had sucked.

Everybody's had.

"BOOM"

The door of the tiny resort room flung open.

There she was.

Vera.

In the doorway.

She plunged herself onto Hulin's bed.

(And poor Hulin hasn't figured out what's about to happen)

And she went...

"WHEE!!!!!

Hulin's a bad bad boy..."

"OOPS. I mean.

Hulin's a bad bed boy... hehe"

It was a cold and lonely night...

(Just in case Alfred reads this.

And decides to come after me.

Here's a little disclamer:

Shitface and I were in the room.

In fact, I was sharing the room with Hulin.

But. Certain details were deliberately left out.

Just...

To make the tale a little juicier. Heh)

My Lady's Presence Makes the Roses Red - Henry Constable

2005-12-24T12:35:00.000+08:00

My Lady's Presence Makes the Roses Red - Henry Constable

My lady's presence makes the roses red,

Because to see her lips they blush for shame.

The lily's leaves, for envy, pale became,

And her white hands in them this envy bred.

The marigold the leaves abroad doth spread,

Because the sun's and her power is the same.

The violet of purple colour came.

Dyed in the blood she made my heart to shed.

In brief: all flowers from her their virtue take;

From her sweet breath their sweet smells do proceed;

The living heat which her eyebeams doth make

Warmeth the ground and quickeneth the seed.

The rain, wherewith she watereth the flowers,

Falls from mine eyes, which she dissolves in showers.

Love Sonnet XVII - Pablo Neruda

2005-12-24T12:28:00.000+08:00

Love Sonnet XVII - Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Second

2005-12-24T12:20:00.000+08:00

Second

Second. And it's Christmas Eve.

Doesn't quite seem like a festive season to me.

I don't get enough sleep. Somehow.

And I wonder what other people are doing right now.

Wonderwall by Oasis is stuck in my head.

So maybe... You're the one who saves me...

Just Another Day

2005-12-23T11:43:00.000+08:00

Just Another Day

It's 11.45am right now.

I have to leave in 15 minutes time.

Well, there's an odac exco meeting to attend.

These days

It's just about myself.

Nothing else matters but myself.

Haha. It does sound a little self centred.

Who cares

Haven't been talking to people much.

Just

Didn't feel like it.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm an introvert.

Ah. Was supposed to watch Saw 2 with the movie gang

today.

Too bad it was cancelled.

Sigh.

Oh well. Have to leave soon.

See you!

Wonderwall - Oasis

2005-12-23T11:35:00.000+08:00

Wonderwall - Oasis

Today is gonna be the day

That they're gonna throw it back to you

By now you should've somehow

Realized what you gotta do

I don't believe that anybody

Feels the way I do

About you now

Backbeat the word was on the street

That the fire in your heart is out

I'm sure you've heard it all before

But you never really had a doubt

I don't believe that anybody feels

The way I do

About you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

There are many things that I would

Like to say to you

I don't know how

Because maybe

You're gonna be the one who saves me

And after all

You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day

But they'll never throw it back to you

By now you should've somehow

Realized what you're not to do

I don't believe that anybody

Feels the way I do

About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding

And all the lights that light the way are blinding

There are many things that I would like to say to you

I don't know how

I said maybe

You're gonna be the one who saves me

And after all

You're my wonderwall

Said maybe

You're gonna be the one that saves me

You're gonna be the one that saves me

You're gonna be the one that saves me

Save Tonight - Eagle Eye Cherry

2005-12-22T14:44:00.000+08:00

Save Tonight

Save tonight

and fight the break of dawn

Come tomorrow

tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight

and fight the break of dawn

Come tomorrow

tomorrow I'll be gone

There's a log on the fire

and it burns like me for you

Tomorrow comes with one desire

to take me away it's true

It ain't easy to say goodbye

darling please don't start to cry

Cause girl you know I've got to go, oh

Lord I wish it wasn't so

Save tonight

and fight the break of dawn

Come tomorrow

tomorrow I'll be gone

Tomorrow comes to take me away

I wish that I, that I could stay

Girl you know I've got to go, oh

Lord I wish it wasn't so

Save tonight

and fight the break of dawn

Come tomorrow

tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight

and fight the break of dawn

Come tomorrow

tomorrow I'll be gone

tomorrow I'll be gone

tomorrow I'll be gone

tomorrow I'll be gone

tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight

Save tonight

Save tonight

Save tonight

Come Home Soon - Pug Jelly

2005-12-22T14:37:00.000+08:00

Come Home Soon

It's been two days and I'm missin' you already

Never really thought you could mean

So much in such a little time

Think about the nights when I'm lyin' in your bed

With my chest resting your head

Now that you're gone I'm here to stay

I think I'm fallin' down. Down down down

With a bad case of love. Love love love

I think I'm falling for you. You you you

I think, I'm falling in love

When you're back all I wanna do is hold you

Have a blast even though there's nothing to do

Hold you close and look you in the eyes

So just come back and I'll tell you how I feel

Never knew how easy you could steal

My heart I miss you come home soon

I think, I'm fallin' in love

I think, I'm fallin' in love

Cause I know that you won't be home when I call you

You're in England now, I hope that you'll be home soon

Cause I know that you won't be there when I call you,
NOW

I think, I'm fallin' in love

I think, I'm fallin' in love

Till I Collapse

2005-12-22T14:31:00.000+08:00

Till I Collapse

Cause sometimes you just feel tired.

You feel weak and when you feel weak you feel like you wanna just give up.

But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength

and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up

and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.

Neverwhere

2005-12-22T13:01:00.000+08:00

Neverwhere

I managed to finish Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman yesterday. It's an... Interesting novel. I was addicted to it till 4 this morning. Nonetheless, I finished it.

It's raining outside now. It's on days like this when I just want to snuggle up in my bed, to curl myself up for a little nap. Too bad I just up at 12 this morning (Or was it noon. Hmm...)

I had planned to move on to Stardust. But I think it's with my sis. Oh well. Perhaps I'll do something about my homework in the meantime. Heh.

American Gods

2005-12-21T14:20:00.000+08:00

American Gods

Ahhh... Yesterday had been an interesting day. Well. Woke up at 11 plus (that's the usual time i wake these days, considering that i sleep at 3am or perhaps later everyday), lazed around, and watched some cartoons (I actually watched "totally spies". Holy. Haha).

Made a trip down to school. Intended to work on my holiday assignments. It's... Kinda untouched so far. Heh.

To my disappointment, the nasty library was closed. And it appeared to be on the verge of being torn apart to me (With the construction work going on in there. I actually peered in to see what was going on. And much to my horror, half the library appeared to be blown apart by a dynamite or something. Holy).

Sneaked into RI's library after that. Somehow construction was going on throughout RJ. The awful hammering and drilling were blasting my mind apart. And lucky me. Managed to infiltrate RI's library with much success. And began reading my bio notes. On transport in plants.

Struggled to make sense out of the stack of papers desperately.

Yes. And this silouhette towered from behind me, over me. Turned around, whilst praying that it wasn't the RI monsteress.

Only to find that it was Poopy.

She passed me Smelly Belly. Whom I left in the ODAC room, next to Joey later on. Joey seemed to like him. She was clawing at the corner of the tank frantically. And licked the glass furiously. She looked dangerously deprived to me...

Being away from male contact for months. She'll simply go for anything... male.

Placed Smelly Belly's cage next to her tank. Ensure that contact between them's an impossibility before I left.

Wasn't productive for bio at all. Not at all.

Took a ride down to IKEA. Read Amearican Gods all the way.

Wandered around IKEA aimlessly. Seeked for inspirations to do up my room. To instill a little personality into my sleeping and working area...

Ahhh... Saw Ms Melissa Lim, the Dean of Student Development. Ain't sure if she noticed me (But she probably did. Since was I the only weirdo in school uniform, probably in the entire IKEA.)

Met Clementine. My og mate. She waved hi and scurried away. Am I that freaky? Haha.

Bumped into this girl who lives in my area. Had a little awkward conversation with her. And moved on.

Didn't exactly fancy a lot of stuff available over there. Didn't find much... To my liking.

Went home empty handed. And probably disappointed as well. And went on to my American Gods.

Reached home. Snuggled up into my bed. And did more reading. Completed the book last night. Finally. After a year of struggle with it. Haha. I have such a short attention span. Oh well...

By the way, In the Dark with You was taken from American Gods.

Moved on to Neverwhere later on in the night. And dozed off somewhere... Around 3...

In The Dark With You

2005-12-21T00:18:00.000+08:00

In the Dark with You

People are in the dark, they don't know what to do
I had a little lantern, oh but it got blown out too
I'm reaching out my hand, I hope you are too.
I just want to be in the dark with you.
- Greg Brown, "In the Dark with You"

ODAC Meeting

2005-12-17T16:55:00.000+08:00

Had ODAC meeting this morning. Barely made it on time. Haha.

Loads of stuff will be going on next year. And I try to keep myself free from work. I'm such a slacker. Heh.

Met Ms Pang at the junction after the meeting. Wished me a merry christmas. That was sweet of her. Haha

Easels

2005-12-16T21:30:00.000+08:00

Back from my hot date with Benny. Haven't been talking to him like this in quite awhile. Walked around the place. And panicked upon realisation of... certain pressing issues. Haha.

Oh. Went Art Friend. It's a pretty interesting place. With all sorts of materials available. Sourced for inspirations for my sis wedding.

Binged at the basement. Omu rice. Yummy... Ohhhh... Had my haircut today too. Again. Haha. At least i look less of a nerd now... Hmmm...

I'm really tired today....

=)

2005-12-16T12:36:00.000+08:00

I think I'm alright all over again.

It feels like I'm hibernating during the holidays. Shunning away from almost everybody just to be alone. I'm just a little weirdo who needs to time for himself every now and then. I feel misunderstood half the time. Maybe it's just because I can't be bothered to express myself. Or rather, see no point in expressing myself.

I'm going to shop with Benny later on. Yeah I know. We sound like himbos. Who cares. Haha. Hmmm... Need to look around for wedding decorations too...

For the past weeks, tried to avoid all forms of social contact. I had even stopped blogging. Hmmm...

I just ask for someone to understand me sometimes. Well. At least people do these days.

Argh. There's ODAC meeting tomorrow. And Ngoh's away. Pretty much left on my own. Damn it.

Plus. I need a haircut!!!!! Holy. I'm actually having side parting. Better off dead. Crap. Will get it next week. After getting my allowance. Haha.

Talking to certain people makes me feel like everything's alright again. Thanks...

I'm still struggling with American Gods by Neil Gaiman. I'm really sloooowwwww... Took me ages to read that. Hmmm... Have to work on that.

And my holiday homework too. Barely started on that. I'm so dead.

it's been awhile

2005-12-16T00:17:00.000+08:00

The ODAC End-of-Year Expedition ended quite some time ago. And I've been rather occupied with stuff ever since.

I would like to thank everybody who made the expedition possible.
Firstly, Minah the shitface. Who was always there for the service project. Always there to cover me, the shithead. We're the shitties. And please. Whatever we call each other ain't "TERMS OF ENDUREMENT". More of terms-we-call-each-other-after-months-of-pent-up-anger-and-frustation-and-mutual-hatred. Ha.

My facilitators, Hu-Lin, Zikai, Charmaine Chong and Elissa James. Thanks for not giving up. I know. Facilitation's insane.

Every single ODACian who had made the experience possible in anyway. Thank you.

I love you people. Though I look angsty and constipated half the time. Ha.

I was mentally unsound for the past few months. Thanks to those who cared for me. Thanks...
(And you too shitface. Worrying about me. Just didn't want to cover for me right. Shitface.)

It's been a crazy holiday. Loads of stuff happened. Ohhh... Did i mention? Managed to finish Initial D anime. Up to stage 2. Shall attempt to kope stages 3 and 4 form Big Eye Chong. Heh =)

My sis is getting married on 9 January 2006 =)

The Gift

2005-12-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

The Gift

Winter snow is falling down
Children laughing all around
Lights are turning on
Like a fairy tale come true
Sitting by the fire we made
You're the answer when I prayed
I would find someone
And baby I found you

All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
From being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift

Watching as you softly sleep
What I'd give if I could keep
Just this moment
If only time stood still
But the colors fade away
And the years will make us grey
But baby in my eyes
You'll still be beautiful

All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
From being broken apart
You gave your love away
I can't find the words to say
That I'm thankful everyday
For the gift

Tears and Rain

2005-12-06T15:50:00.000+08:00

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

i'm sick of pretending to be somebody else.
i'm sick of trying to be there for people. while wusses have the time of their lives.
i'm sick of containing all these comments within myself just because it's not right to mention it.

i'm sick of the way im being treated.
i'm sick of ignoring the way i'm being treated.
i'm sick of trying to be nice to everybody.
i'm sick of doing stuff. just cause i need to do so.
cause someone's gonna do it.
guess what.
it's not gonna be me anymore.
so shut up and screw off.
i'm in a nasty mood today.
but seriously.
some retards should simply screw off and die.

and. i am not satisfied with my life at all.
my life.
my family.
my friends.
my studies.

i cried today. for about an hour.

Life's ain't fair to me.
It never is.

I hate myself.
I hate everybody.
I hate my life.

Outdoor Week

2005-10-30T14:18:00.000+08:00

It's been a busy week.

This week's been the week we've all been working for, waiting for.
Dread for.

I had tried my best for fundraising. Given the restrictions and such. I've done the best i could...

I'm sorry if fundraising had failed in anyway.

Felt kinda dejected on Tuesday... Just wanted to give up on everything. I don't see ourselves raising enough funds. I don't see how we could attain the objectives we desired.

Then people came along and made a difference in my little pathetic life.

Silly boy Alfred Tay attempted to pull off a all-the-bubble-tea-to-myself.
Zikai and Jek attempted Bubble Tea Drinking Championship/Competition.
Eddison, Yeye, Vera, Ngoh, James were always there for Odac.
Pangwei, Gil and Zhenghao went around generating money.

Many other Odacians were there too.

Mrs Chua bought 27 cups from us at a go.

My angels came down to support me =)

My classmates were bugged by me.

Last of all, Minah and Chua for doing CIP with me, doing nonsensical stuff together and falling ill together.

You know, it's been a happening week. Lots of stuff happened.

And I'm thankful for that =)

Amazed

2005-10-28T20:21:00.000+08:00

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

These days

2005-10-26T18:31:00.000+08:00

I have no idea what I've gotten myself into.
I'm grateful that it happened.
Thanks.
=)

it's been a busy week

2005-10-22T13:05:00.000+08:00

Life's been busy these days. Promos and stuff. Screwed up my promos.

I just wanna be left alone. Burying myself in heaps of work. Odac and stuff. Trying to run away. Away from everything that hurts.

Sometimes nothing seems to matter anymore.

Everything I've been hoping for. Everything I've been fighting for. Is nothing but a bloody lie.

It's scary. I've been dreaming about Odac these days. About CIP and stuff.

I feel distant from everybody else. Or I'm distancing myself from people. Whatever. Doesn't matter.

Let's see. What have I been doing. Went out for a couple of movies. Into the Blue. Corpse Bride. Transporter 2.

It's been quite some time. Since I've last taken a breather.

Sometimes. I just wish for someone to understand me. Anyone.
There are times when I just feel like curling up in a corner. Doing nothing. Just lying there. And crying.

Life hurts.

argh

2005-10-14T10:36:00.000+08:00

I hate myself.

Dreamt of killing people yesterday.
Yanking their heads off.
Hiding their remains under my bed.

The funny thing was.
It seemed pretty normal to me.
As in the entire slaughtering people business.
Nothing seemed morally wrong or anything.

I had fun.

Then i was sentenced to death.

Because of You

2005-09-24T11:03:00.000+08:00

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

expressing myself

2005-09-17T13:39:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking about lots of stuff lately.
To the extent that i keep to myself.
Refusing to communicate with any soul extensively.

I think I'm turning autistic.

Yeah. I'm using this melancholic tune as the background music.
Again.

What shall I blog about?

There's nothing much in my life anymore.
Nothing worth mentioning.
I'm just another soul in the crowd.
Another lost soul.

Well, sometimes I do wish I were somebody else.
I wish I could stay jovial the entire day.
Without a care about the freakin' world.

Then I wonder.
What is there to possibly care about.

I'm struggling.
Well, you know you're in trouble when you find youself having difficulty adding exponentials during maths lectures.
There's so much catching up to do.
4 years.

I have no idea what's going on anymore.
What the hell's going on to me.

Sometimes I'm just convinced that I'm plain dumb.

Everyday

2005-09-16T05:10:00.000+08:00

I used to be the kind of guy
Who'd never let you look inside
I'd smile when I was crying
I had nothing but a life to loose
Thought I had a lot to proof
In my life, there's no denying

Goodbye to all my yesterdays
Goodbye, so long, I'm on my way

I've had enough of cryin'
Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
Hear me when I say
Gonna live my life everyday

I'm gonna touch the sky
And I spread these wings and fly
I ain't here to play
I'm gonna live my life everyday

Strange, everybody's feeling strange
Never gonna be the same
Makes you wonder how the world keeps turning
Life, learning how to live my life
Learning how to pick my fights
Take my shots while I'm still burning

Goodbye to all those rainy nights
Goodbye, so long, I'm moving on

I've had enough of cryin'
Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
Hear me when I say
Gonna live my life everyday

I'm gonna touch the sky
And I spread these wings and fly
I ain't here to play
I'm gonna live my life everyday

There ain't nothing gonna get in my way
Everyday

Goodbye, so long, I'm moving on
I've had enough of cryin'
Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
Hear me when I say
Gonna live my life everyday
I'm gonna touch the sky
And I spread these wings and fly
I ain't here to play
I'm gonna live my life everyday

The Rain

2005-09-12T20:24:00.000+08:00

It's raining outside.
The weather's great.

I feel like napping.

I need to sleep.

But i can't.

bio tuts. math tuts. chem tuts. project work.

This is my life.

-

2005-09-09T21:46:00.000+08:00

Imagination is more important than knowlege. For knowlege is limited to all that we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and there ever will be to know and understand.

However, imgination is one thing.
Insanity is another.

I'm more focused than ever now. Given much thought to loads of stuff.
It's time to stop fooling around.
It's time to wake up.

Information loads itself into me each day.
Each day ends off with a sense of fulfillment beyond description.

And when I think about it.
I've changed.
Indeed I have.
Thanks people, people who have been there for me all along.
People who had turned my life around.
Thanks.

For the first time in my life,
mugging is pleasurable.

by myself

2005-09-05T21:42:00.000+08:00

Well. I was kinda alone by myself today.
Thoughts raced through my head and made me dizzy.

The world was spinning.

Joey was missing today. I was worried. Extremely. I was on the verge of tearing the entire room apart. I didn't want Joey to leave us. She's... quite incapable of taking care of herself?

After flinging everything aside...

The familiar face popped up from behind the cupboard. Reminded me of the miserable fate of her brother. Whose head was mercilessly crushed by the cupboard door.

At that moment. Memories with Joey raced through my head... How she had given birth to 2 little babies... How frail she was when she was infected. How she almost couldn't make it. How others had given up on her. How we waited for her, hoping that she'll be alright...

How i fed her each night with the disgusting antibiotics.
How she struggled in my hands.
How she had looked into my eyes, begging me to free her of her sufferings.
How she fell asleep on my bed to the music...

I found her. I...

I have no idea why i'm starting to care about the hamsters.
Perhaps hamsters aren't intellectual. Aren't intellectual enough to pretend to be something else. Aren't intellectual enough to betray my trust.

I stared at them. And observed them as time passed.

I wanted the best for them. I have no idea why.

I washed Joey's container. Hoping that just maybe. Just maybe if her cage's clean. She'll forget about running away.

Bought bathing sand and running wheel for them. They're such wonderful little creatures.

Blackie was fascinated by the wheel (Partly because it's hot pink i think. I'm afraid he does have gay tendencies.). And attempted to make use of it. It's kinda amusing how the wheel was too puny for him (Or is he too fat for the wheel?) to the extent that his furry little ass rubs against the wheel as he crawled.

Snowy was hiding in a little corner. Pretending to be asleep. Hoping that we'll all forget about him and he'll never get some working out.

Well. He's wrong.

The very moment I had lowered the, well, "lemon scented medicated bathing sand for hamsters", Snowy stumbled into it to clean himself.

Sometimes i wonder what's wrong with Snowy. And if there's such a thing as metro hamsters. Haha.

I watched them again.

It seemed as if I was free. From all boundaries of time and dimensions. As I observed them scurrying about.

Aren't they always busy? What are they busy about? What do they really want?
What are they thinking about? Why are they trembling? Why do they fear? Why do they think of running away?

Why do they seem so much like us?

I wonder.

Have you ever?

2005-09-04T20:36:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered how it might be if you'd never existed? How the world could perhaps be a little better. just a little better for everybody else? Have you ever contained yourself with so much remorse, that sorrow's comsuming you from right beneath your skin? It's like. a little nasty worm. wriggling itself inside you. wrecking havoc within you. making you feel uneasy every second of the day. making you feel that nothing's all right.

nothing at all.

I'm feeling sleepy. Have you ever felt as if you're dreaming. When you're obviously not. To the extent that everything feels surreal. Nothing feels quite the same anymore. And the only familiarity is the fear and confusion within you. Only amplified as compared to before this nasty thing happens.

Then you hide in a little corner. All by youself. Hoping that everything might just perhaps be a dream afterall. Or rather, you're hoping that everything's a dream, so that this uneasiness will leave you. soon.

But it never did. And your pathetic little life's never quite the same anymore.

You start seeing things you never should've. You're sensing stuff nobody else ever did. You start sensing emotions. You start knowing how every single soul around you feel. How much sorrow each one of them contain. And how much agony arises when every one of them puts on a brave front. To fool everybody else that they're alright.

You realise that everybody's the same afterall.
And you feel insignificant for the first time in your life.

You're confused. Nobody else seems to be able to perform the above. You start panicking. wondering if you're alright. Wondering if you're merely hallucinating. Or perhaps you're just a little different.

It's rather disturbing. Either way.

Then voices started sounding in your head. Giving you directions and instructions on what to do with your life. You brighten up. Thinking that some form of guidance has extended its help to you. To your disappointment. The voices start giving contradicting advice. You're confused once again. And the voices breed. just like E. Coli. And everything's happening at once. There's so many of you speaking at once. It all forms a murmur.

Nothing but an irritating murmur.

And you have no idea what to do next.

Have you ever?
Well. I have.

2005-09-04T15:28:00.000+08:00

It is a fearful thing to be haunted by those who loved us once. It is a fearful thing to haunt those one loves.

Imagine that you woke in the night and rose, and seemed to see before you another person, whom slowly you perceived to be yourself. Someone had entered in the night and placed a mirror in your sleeping place, made from a black metal. You had been frightened only of your reflection. But then the reflection slowly raised one hand, while your own hand stayed still...

This is me walking into the family room. This is me just standing here listening to the voices in my head. One of them's saying "this is me just standing here..." And the other one's going "Eeeeeee..." in one long ceaseless scream. And the last one doesn't say anything at all.

It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.

I know lots of things. People think I don't but I really do. I know more about us than any of us. That's just one of the things I know.

it's been awhile

2005-09-02T21:43:00.000+08:00

it's been awhile. since i've met mrs tay.

she asked if i were alright. it took me quite awhile. before i replied with a no.
then it occured to me. maybe i really ain't alright at all.

and i do think that she overestimates me.
and she actually thinks i'm contented with jc life.

am i really?

i have no idea. you tell me.

i don't know. i'm kinda tired these days...

and my thoughts have been running wild...

2005-09-02T00:04:00.000+08:00

Studies show, your mad, you're in fact a pot
smoker. (got any more of that)

nothing to lose

2005-09-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

There are times when you make me laugh
there are moments when you drive me mad
there are seconds when I see the light
though many times you made me cry

There's something you don't understand
I want to be your man

Nothing to lose
your love to win
hoping so bad that you'll let me in

I'm at your feet
waiting for you
I've got time and nothing to lose

There are times when I believe in you
these moments when I feel close to you
there are times I think that I am yours
though many times I feel unsure

There's something you don't understand
I want to be your man

Nothing to lose
your love to win
hoping so bad that you'll let me in

I'm at your feet waiting for you
I've got time and nothing to lose

I'll always be around you keep an eye on you
cos my patience is strong
and I won't let you run
cos you are the only one

Nothing to lose
your love to win
hoping so bad that you'll let me in
I'm at your feet waiting for you
I've got time and nothing

江南 - 林俊杰

2005-09-01T22:53:00.000+08:00

风到这里就是黏
黏住过客的思念
雨到了这里缠成线
缠著我们流连人世间

你在身边就是缘
缘份写在三生石上面
爱有万分之一甜
宁愿我就葬在这一点

圈圈圆圆圈圈
天天年年天天的我
深深看你的脸
生气的温柔
埋怨的温柔的脸

不懂爱恨情愁煎熬的我们
都以为相爱就像风云的善变
相信爱一天抵过永远
在这一刹那冻结了时间

不懂怎麼表现温柔的我们
还以为殉情只是古老的传言
离愁能有多痛痛有多浓
当梦被埋在江南烟雨中
心碎了才懂

you're beautiful

2005-08-31T23:51:00.000+08:00

i had no idea why they played you're beautiful for teachers day. it was played during the wrong occasion. at the wrong time.

set me thinking about stuff.