I love my lavalamp. Its orange in transparent liquid. Perfect for my room. Suits the colour of my paper bin! Haha. Not to mention I have the froggy pouch on the table next to me now. Oh well...

Spent all day at my sis' place today. It's the second time I'm visiting my baby nephew. Yes. Baby. REEEAAALLLyyy tiny. He's a week old as of today. And gosh. Carried a new born for the first time in my life today. Under the watchful eyes of my sis and her hubby. Unnerving.

Before long I could handle the kid with only one arm! began snapping pics away with the other. And sms-ing too. Cool. The kid. Claws at every single nipple he senses. Hungry, yes. Freaky too. But then again, he's too cute. Nobody minds anyway.

Kiddo doesn't have a name yet. I suggested Caleb during his second trimester. Sis wanted Javier during his third trimester. And now they want something else altogether. Haha. They have up to a month to conjure up his full name, so that's all right.

Poor kiddo's been in and out of hospitals this week. Been going for the jabs. And he's down with pretty bad jaundice. It's common amongst the kids. According to my mum, we all had it when we were tiny. But kiddo's rather severe. Just taken a blood test. He'll have to be admitted into the hospital if he attains a score of 15 for the blood test. His was 14.4. GOD. His mama has to bring him suntan every morning. EVEN THOUGH she's just discharged from the hospital as well. AND shes tearing her wound by pulling all kinds of stunts all day.

Well. So I discovered the wonders of a pacifier today. Kiddo wails. Stuff it in. It stops. He suckles and sleeps. As simple as that. Whoever invented the pacifier deserves a noble prize. So this useless bugger uncle of his only has this trick up his sleeve. THE PACIFIER. Kiddo cries. Repeats above process all over again. Hahaha.

Was lying on the bed with the baby. With his nose a mere 5 cm or less from mine and my arm curled around his soft body. Watched him all afternoon... Almost dozed off with him. Observed him all day. It's really amazing. Every little thing about him. His tiny nose, his tired eyes... His suckling mouth... His stretches. His kicks. His whines. His wails. It amazing. You can't stop to wonder how he'll ever turn out. And if all of us were like that before.

Thought about loads of stuff with him by my side. Life's been rather dark lately and I just hate almost every single part of it. Nothing's happening. It's the same old tasks I have to perform almost every other day. Why. Why me.

I have issues with myself. Nevermind. It's ok. I have my family with me.
I have reasons to smile. Even though my life stinks.
And I lost my ezylink card yesterday. Right after I've purchased over a hundred bucks worth of concession the very day before. Ack.

Whywhywhy. I'm losing myself again. I miss the life I had in jc. The person I was. Rather, the person I tried to be. And now. I'm nothing. Nothing at all.

Am I depressed? I'm not even sure anymore.